the uncertainty of things

The cold temperature inside this hospital room seems like a dreary representation of the things to come.

My grandmother is confined in UST for a week now due to respiratory problems. As it is, her length of stay here feels like its more than a week, considering how I often see and greet her before (or after) I go to work. The house feels incomplete, longing for the presence of my faithful and ever inquiring grandma (for an 88 year old, she has a very “sharp” memory.)

But I am hopeful — God works in His own ways and certainly, all we have to do is seek His grace and trust His plans. As painful as it is to admit, there’s nothing much I can do but to pray, read His Word, and in my own way, find time to be there for my “lola” and the rest of the family who cares for her.

She has a longtime history with heart problem and as I quote what my aunt said, “every attack is a traitor”.  Just around 8pm today, I talked to my other aunt – her daughter – on how her condition is improving. Came 1130pm, I got a missed call and got word that her condition turned severe — that they have to use a ventilator for her breathing problems. Worse, doctors highly suggested to inject a respiratory tube on her to alleviate her difficulty in breathing.

So to say, it has then became official: my grandmother’s health condition is unpredictable. But instead of giving into the despair of uncertainty, I have to put my “game face” on. I have to mindset that things will be better. And IT WILL BE BETTER.

It will be better no matter what the future will bring.

It will be better no matter how vague the situation is at the moment.

It will be better because my grandmother is fighting for every breath she breathes. Again, she is a fighter.

It will be better because everyone in the family stays connected.

It will be better because life goes on.



Yes, His plans are always better. Best, even.


Romans 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been calledaccording to his purpose.

reality bites

My grandmother is currently in a CVU (Cardio Vascular Unit) around 7am today due to a mild heart attack. I visited her this afternoon, and thank God, she is coping. She responds when I ask questions/ talk, and ate the bowl of soup I bought for her — all of which are positive signs. In the course of two hours of my stay there, a resident doctor checked on her thrice, nurses come in and out to monitor her blood pressure, a priest went in to give her an anointing, and her official doctor advised she needs blood transfusion.

One of our conversation includes her dream about my grandfather. My grandfather died for more than ten years now, and in accordance to her dream, my grandfather is leading her to the “light”. She was resisting in the dream, and the next thing she knew, she’s in the CVU. I told her that next time Lolo (grandfather) tags her, to decline his offer and tell him she still needs to be in my (hopefully) wedding and see the rest of my cousins. She also was asking for my second older brother, as the resident doctor reminded her of my sibling. She said he looks exactly like her grandson… then told a story of how my brother was attentive to her needs during her visit in U.S.

This is one of those days that you get sucked in the reality that health is precious, life even more. My grandmother is already 88 years old, and that’s more than enough blessing as she has seen her grandchildren grow… and witness her grandchildren’s children in their formative years. We, her family, are hoping God will still grant her more years to witness life’s miracles.

My grandmother is a “fighter”, a faithful devotee and a generous woman to those who are in need, that in my point of view, sometimes get abused by others. I hope God will hear our prayers, in line with His will, that another chance for life — a speedy recovery — will be given to her.

saturday flashback: RNB

Every generation has its own taste of music. I often hear comparisons from one generation to another, mostly saying how better it is back in the old days. Who would have thought that I would also come to that point and miss the music from MY time — back when I was in pre-teen, then came A teen, then in my “twen-TEENS” a.k.a. PRE-EMPLOYMENT!

That said, here’s some from mine, most of which are RNB music deeply influenced by radios (RX 93.1, Magic  89.9, Wave 89.1), friends and close-knit cousins:

1. Aaliyah, At Your Best (1994)

Personally, I think her release of this song placed RNB in the Pop Map, gaining a wider range of audience and yes…fell in love with the woman who sings beautifully & DEEPLY MISSED.

2. Brandy, Sittin’ Up in My Room (1995)

Then another bites the dust! Not long enough, Brandy emerges in the pop scene alongside many more RNB artists. I remember myself doing head bop trying to be “groovy” with this music. Simply love it.

3. Tamia, So Into You (1995)

The tune is so laid back, it feels good to have a crush or “puppy love” back in high school. Ah, those days wherein we create drama.

4. Faith Evans, Never Let You Go (1999)

Widow of legendary Hiphop Legend, Notorious B.I.G., Faith can belt out a tune or two based from her hit singles in the 90s. This one still gets me every time I hear it on the radio.

5. Chanté Moore, Straight Up (2000)

Back in the days wherein Tae-Bo was one of the “exercise MUST haves”, Chanté surely knows how to infuse her music with the action moves! Guilty as charged, I was influenced to join the bandwagon.

(I almost forgot how Jermaine Dupri was featured in most music I’ve heard!)

There are still lots of music that won’t fit this entry for now (Hel-loooo! Destiny’s Child, Toni Braxton, Shanice and the list goes on!).

But hey, it’s Saturday flashback and I just might do it on a regular 🙂